The Losing Battle {Feeling Like a Failure}

Failure-Losing battle

Well, here I am at the end of another week. I haven’t posted in the past few weeks about my journey in “the losing battle” because I hit a wall.

The first two weeks were great. I worked out every day, ate well, and I felt great. When the third week came around and I got on the scale I wanted to claw my eyes out. What the HECK!!! I worked my butt off and the scale showed no change!!!! I even gained weight. How can that be? I was a crazy lady!!! I had been using my fit bit, keeping track of all my activity, tracking my foods and here I was standing on the scale and the number was two pounds heavier than when I started. I won’t lie I cried……and I cried……..oh wait and I cried again……. This losing weight thing is HARD!!!! I knew going into it it wouldn’t be easy but I wasn’t expecting to gain weight. I did however measure myself and I did lose a total of 2.75 inches. I know that sounds great and part of my brain was screaming that’s great and the other part was screaming who cares.

I’m going to be honest after that I quit!!! I quit working out, I quit tracking, I just quit caring for that last week and a half. I felt like I failed. I felt sad, angry, discouraged, depressed and frustrated.

After I cried and took time to figure out what I was doing with myself I realized I strive for perfection a lot. I have learned that any journey is full of success and failure. It’s about picking myself back up and starting again. I don’t want to strive for perfection. I want a journey full of happiness and joy and striving for perfection is  always going to leave me feeling like a failure. I didn’t fail I learned how to make mistakes and move on.

I have discovered along this journey that I just don’t eat enough! I get so busy through out the day that I don’t eat the right amount of food. I really need to make snacks and bring them with me so I am prepared for the day.

I am adding one more thing to my plan, weight watchers. I have always had great success with the program. I don’t know why I try to reinvent the wheel!! Weight watchers has always worked well for me and I enjoy it so why not go back to what I know works for my body?

I guess I am learning to find the right way to be happy and enjoy my life but still get healthy. I can’t focus on failures or ask myself every day “how did I get like this”. I need to love myself and the body I have today and know that tomorrow I will be one step closer to being where I want to be. Each day is a new day full of new joy and I am not going to miss out because I am too focused on what I should’ve done. It’s one step at a time and while I’m going through this journey I am going to be happy and I am going to choose joy!!!